Running from comfort...

I've hit that scary time a month before running a marathon where the longest runs loom and - for me anyway - the negative mindset starts to set in. This week has been a bit of a struggle running-wise; perhaps because I had already psyched myself out about my impending 18 mile run this weekend.

In my post-breakfast chill time before I set off, the lovely Sam from the inspiring Sporting Heads website (www.sportingheads.com) tweeted my story again and implied that I could actually inspire people. Ironically, it was the inspiration I myself needed before I went out!

The run was tough - 18 miles with a brutal headwind for much of it - and it certainly hurt, but that was to be expected. It gave me a chance to reflect on my own toughness - or perceived lack thereof - and the rollercoaster journey that is life.

As tough as 18 miles was, the last 18 months have been tougher. Being signed off with stress from my job and ultimately having to leave it, my big brother getting ill, starting a business only for it to come crashing down 6 months later at the hands of someone else, back to work and struggling with a new challenging job...it's no wonder I find myself at a stage of life where I am probably the most unsure I've ever been about my place and my future. I worry about so much, what's ahead and how to get there. The headwind sometimes feels unrelenting and the progress so very slow.

Thank goodness for running then! It's my only measure of progress, a perfect antidote to anxiety (although of course it is far from anxiety-free!), good for my physical and mental health, and challenging enough to feel I have achieved something huge when it is done. Parkrun (happy 14th birthday incidentally!) has changed my life for the better and given me a focus when I've needed it most. Without parkrun, I wouldn't have had the confidence to train for - let alone enter and complete - a marathon. Now I am on the cusp of marathon number two, and reflecting on this journey.

Running can feel so incredibly uncomfortable - something I'm trying to embrace - and therefore is a perfect metaphor for life right now. I'm not where I want to be, I'm giving myself a hard time for that, I'm worrying about money, I'm not keeping up with friends...and I'm not feeling comfortable at all. But I think that's okay...it's a stage, and it'll pass. Or it'll stay, but I'll learn to embrace it more and feel more comfortable with it. At some point I'll turn and feel that tailwind boosting me up the next hill and taking me ever closer to feeling good and feeling happy.

This is why I run. It's tough...but maybe I'm tougher?

Inspirational words from my oldest friend Amy

Next week is 20 miles....!