But truly nothing or no-one can prepare you for the way your whole world changes when you are handed a little life into your arms and from that moment on they're yours...
It happened to me at 8.32am on Friday 5th July. Fifteen days overdue and having given me an 'interesting' labour coming into the world sideways, baby Totty made me a mother and my whole world changed forever.
And it is without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever done. I won't sugarcoat it, it has been a very tough adjustment. Everything I expected or imagined has either been wrong or a hundred times harder than I could ever have thought. The physical and mental recovery from labour has taken a long time - and still isn't (and may never be) complete. The whirlwind of those first few days and weeks of parenthood catches you so completely off-guard and you know for sure life will never be the same again. The lack of sleep makes you feel like you've been hit by a train, and the demands of 'responsive' breastfeeding are brutal. Your body and mind are not your own.
But very slowly I feel I am just starting to emerge from the fog of those early weeks. My beautiful baby girl is happy and healthy, and I am starting to find myself again somewhere amongst the chaos of feeding, crying (me and her), nappy-changing and sleeping (or lack thereof). Not 'myself' as I once was - that life has gone now - but a new self.
Two years ago I found running and parkrun. Without both I believe I would've struggled even more physically and mentally with the demands of labour and becoming a parent. My mind and body were stronger as a result of two years of running including two marathons. Running was - and will be again - my therapy, and I greatly miss being able to do it.
I've spent almost every Saturday at parkrun these past two years, including the Saturday six days before baby arrived. All of a sudden the days are meaningless and Totty's timings do not match parkrun's. So I've been greatly missing this one bit of structure in my life, not to mention the feel good factor of volunteering, the camaraderie and the people of parkrun, the fresh air and the mental health benefits.
I know I'll get back more regularly in time and I have to be patient. But I didn't realise how much I'd miss it.
Totty is now nine weeks old and we have made one trip in time for parkrun. A couple of weeks ago we took a wee trip and it was so great to be back at Vogrie.
My blog will be infrequent from now on as I adjust to this new life, but in time I hope to be able to share more. Parkrun and Scotland's Munros will always be there for us to enjoy when we're ready and able...
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