Life lately...

It has been a while since I updated my blog - in fact this has been the longest gap in blog posts since I started writing in 2011. However I think we all know that 2020 has been a rather 'unique' year and nothing has quite gone to plan!

I haven't felt like sitting down and writing to be honest. Not for a long time. But today seemed appropriate as today, the 11th of October, was the day I was planning to run my third marathon. Today was supposed to be the Stirling Marathon. I very nearly signed up for it back in January/February to be my first post-baby marathon and my third overall. I decided I'd wait until April and make the decision then - at that point I wasn't running regularly so I thought it best to wait and see.

Well we know what happened next...Although back in April we certainly had the hope that things would be 'normal' by October. As time has gone on, lockdown has been changed but is still really an ever present part of our lives and we are not doing 'normal' things beyond going to work and doing the food shopping. We don't visit many places, we don't eat out, we don't go to (restricted) baby classes, we don't visit friends (or even family now, sadly, unless we get favourable weather and can be outdoors, never a guarantee in October!). And sadly, I don't run so much anymore.

I have a 15 month old now who is on the cusp of walking. She takes up a lot of spare time and I'm more than happy with that arrangement! I would rather put time with her before pounding the tarmac training for a currently non-existent marathon (sorry I can't see mass sporting events being on until at least this time next year, although I hope I'm wrong!). I'm averaging one run every three weeks, as opposed to one run a week during spring/summer. Without parkrun to keep me accountable, there is much less enjoyment in running the same back roads over and over again.

I miss parkrun so much, as all regulars will. It gave structure to the week, especially during my maternity leave when the days all blended into one. It has been even more noticeably absent since I returned to work in July; I was so used to parkrun Saturdays following my last day of work on a Friday. I miss the people, I miss the camaraderie, I miss the buzz of pushing hard for a PB, or the enjoyment of taking it steadily, I miss the feeling of achievement that came from starting a weekend that way. I miss the opportunity to buggy run with Totty round Vogrie parkrun. 

Sure I can go out and run a 5k every Saturday morning here if I wanted to, with the buggy even, but it's just not the same. And so I haven't. 

I enjoy the runs I do manage to do, but I don't feel the same way about getting out for regular runs with no parkrun and nothing to train for. I know this will change in the future, so I'm accepting of the way things are just now. I'm trying to live more in the present and have faith in the knowledge that things will get better in time - they have to. (Although if I'm truly honest I am already anticipating 2020 being the first ever Christmas I haven't spent at my mum and dad's, the first in 34 years, so I'm certainly not always feeling so optimistic!).

On the positive side, Dave and I have been extremely lucky to have experienced lockdown with a then eight month old - we had so much time to absorb ourselves in our baby and to spend every day learning new things from her and helping her to learn new things. The growth and change over the past seven months has been incredible, and we've lived it - every day. We were in a 'baby bubble' with no pressure to go anywhere or do anything, and we had a wonderful positive focus to distract us from the negativity of the circumstances 2020 has brought to us all.

As I have now returned to work there is certainly a lot more structure to the week, and I'm actually in a good place despite assuming that returning to work would be awful. I miss my baby of course, but it's good for me - and therefore for her - that I have another focus for a short period of my week. It means I enjoy and appreciate the time I have with her even more than before.

I still walk when I can, although we don't really leave Stow much so our walks don't have a lot of variety. However they're far more interesting walks now we have a very curious and inquisitive wee girl who likes to know what everything is!

 

So that's...life lately. Probably similar in a lot of ways to many other people. Being grateful for our health and where we currently are in the world. Trying to be at peace with the things we have in our control and not stress too much about the things we can't control - very difficult to do! Taking joy from the small things - the leaves changing colour, a sunny morning - and the big things - a baby finding her feet (and her personality), a wedding anniversary. Knowing that change will come and things will get better.