I hope you have all enjoyed a wonderful Christmas, survived the awkward 'what day is it?' in-between Christmas and New Year period, eaten your body weight in turkey and chocolate (but hopefully not together...) and made happy memories to last a lifetime.
I have a 2018 round-up blog post to come in the next few days - probably pretty running heavy - and a look forward to exciting things that 2019 will bring...
Wishing you all a very happy and healthy year ahead - here's to 2019!
Helen x
Monday 31 December 2018
Wednesday 5 December 2018
Training for my second marathon
It's hard to believe over a month has passed since the Nice Cannes Marathon on the 4th of November. Thankfully I can reminisce about it far more positively a month down the line than I could in the aftermath...it still pains me to think about those very low points, but I know what an achievement it is too.
I've given myself time to recover from thatordeal experience and continue to feel I am in recovery. I've 'only' run three times since the marathon - three parkruns. Two at Vogrie (I also tailwalked the week after the marathon), and one at Hay Lodge park in Peebles, Scotland's newest parkrun. Peebles was actually my first run post-marathon, 13 days later, and I found it tough. Of course I set off too quickly and then just tried to hold onto that pace, but I was pleased with a sub-24 minute time. My two runs at Vogrie subsequently felt like coming home - Vogrie parkrun will always feel like home to me. I've run 43 of my 50 parkruns there, and it's a special place to me. It started my running journey.
Last Saturday I reached that first official 'milestone' of 50 parkruns - it felt amazing! I ran with Dave and my cousin Colin, completing his first parkrun. I made some rocky road for the finish which seemed to go down well! It feels like a big achievement and I'm looking forward to being able to order the first of my free milestone t-shirts.
The next milestone is 100 and I'm hoping to achieve that in 2020. It is realistic to manage it next year, however I'd like to focus on getting to my 25th volunteer milestone first. This Saturday will be my 10th volunteer experience, so getting to 25 in 2019 is very achievable. It's nice to give something back to an event that's given me so much!
So although I've 'only' run nine miles since the marathon, I know how important it is to let my body - and my mind - recover from marathon number two. And from the year that has gone by - I had started training this time last year, and was starting to really up my mileage and run three times a week instead of two. Therefore the entire past year has been spent training for a marathon, and I'm ready to rest from that!
After the Edinburgh Marathon I wrote a post about my 30 week training plan, and all the running I had built up over that time to feel marathon ready: http://anxious-ambler.blogspot.com/2018/06/training-for-my-first-marathon.html
You'll be pleased to hear this post won't be as long as that one!
Whilst out in France in April visiting Colin, Emma and new baby Matthew, we discussed the possibility of us coming back out in November around the time of the marathon festival. Colin has been involved in some way for many years - either running the full thing (twice at that point), or one of the relay options. Mum, Andrew and Ross had all been out in different years to run or support the Marathon Des Alpes-Maritime and its various events. Having my new nephew as an added incentive to visit made it even more appealing - so Dave and I started planning for another trip out in November. At this point I hadn't even run Edinburgh, so the full marathon was certainly not something I was considering!
Post-Edinburgh Marathon I did rest, running parkruns only and enjoying a bit of parkrun tourism (I wrote about that here). However I mentally felt that I had a chance at running another marathon this year. I was the fittest I'd ever been in my adult life; running felt more and more comfortable, my parkrun times were getting faster, I'd lost weight, I was eating better and barely touching alcohol. I didn't want to lose the fitness I'd gained, so it felt almost natural to start another training cycle in the summer.
The week beginning the 16th of July gave me sixteen weeks to the Nice Cannes Marathon. Funnily enough I was in Copenhagen at the start of that week, and my schedule got off to a slow start! I didn't actually enter the marathon until the 9th of August, but I'd tentatively started running through the week again.
I was definitely a lot more relaxed on this training cycle. I was coming from a higher base level of fitness, and I had the confidence behind me that I had completed a marathon before, so I was less anxious about doing it again.
It seemed to take me a while to build back up to longer runs though - in fact it took until the 28th of August to get into double digit runs again. I had my first half marathon-distance run planned for the 17th of September, and I'd handily entered a virtual half marathon around Loch Leven. This was a brilliant idea of Kinross Road Runners to use up leftover t-shirts and medals from their half marathon event back in May, with the entry fee of £8 going to the RSPB at Vane Farm on the shores of the loch. As my in-laws live near Kinross, running here is such a treat because it's a change from the norm (I do get a bit fed up of running the same road in and out of Stow!), a beautiful place, and there's a hot shower and delicious food awaiting me within ten minutes of completion!
I was going steadily until just before the six mile mark when I tripped and fell, landing mostly on my elbow which broke the fall and meant my hand and knee didn't see too much damage. It hurt! I thought I'd dust myself off and keep running, but I couldn't stop the blood from my elbow (despite my best efforts to wipe it on the grass!) and I felt a bit shaken. Ironically my nearest landmark was Vane Farm, so I started walking a mile and a half back to there. I was lucky it happened within such close reach of shelter! I waited for Dave there, who had to have a much quicker dog walk than he'd intended! I was fine of course - but annoyed as I had been feeling good and my legs and head were in the game.
Just a few days later, I decided to head out on an after work half marathon run that was probably the most interesting of this training cycle. It was a route I'd never run before, and it was tough, but I appreciated the variety. I ran to Melrose along the trail paths, through the village then out to Newstead, before continuing to follow the Borders Abbeys Way path towards the Rhymer's Stone, over the old Bogle Burn road to the outskirts of Newtown St Boswells and back again, with a wee extra loop of Gunknowe park at Tweedbank on the way back. I forgot how hilly that Bogle Burn road was! It was really enjoyable, and at a steady pace because of the trail aspect of most of it.
I stopped my watch at 13.2 miles to round up the Loch Leven 5.8.
The following week I completed my virtual Loch Leven half marathon entry, and added two - painful - miles onto the end to make it up to fifteen miles.
The first two weeks of October then saw my longest runs - 18 miles and 20 miles. The eighteen mile run was on the back roads of Stow, made even tougher by a headwind and the fact I didn't feel very enthusiastic about my route. My twenty mile run was out at West Linton, somewhere else I love running for variety and the proximity of my mum and dad's home comforts! It was tough of course, but more enjoyable than the previous week's run.
I felt quite sore after this run but immediately ate salt and vinegar crisps then foam-rolled, and I felt a million times better. I then wasn't sore in the days that followed - magic!
I was glad when the taper finally came around, and enjoyed some shorter faster runs.
Towards the end of the training cycle, I started to read back my journal from Edinburgh Marathon training, and was quite shocked to realise I've lost nearly a stone in weight in the past year! Whilst this wasn't my motivation to start running, I felt (and am feeling) a lot better for it.
I'm really chuffed now to be able to say I ran two marathons in just over five months. I never thought I would be capable of this.
I'm happy to focus now on my parkrun goals, and perhaps introduce a wee bit of mid-week running occasionally should I feel like it - but I'm happy not to feel I have to do that. A break from thinking about marathons and training for a marathon is very welcome indeed - but I'm no longer saying never when it comes to marathon number three. Watch this space!
I've given myself time to recover from that
Last Saturday I reached that first official 'milestone' of 50 parkruns - it felt amazing! I ran with Dave and my cousin Colin, completing his first parkrun. I made some rocky road for the finish which seemed to go down well! It feels like a big achievement and I'm looking forward to being able to order the first of my free milestone t-shirts.
The next milestone is 100 and I'm hoping to achieve that in 2020. It is realistic to manage it next year, however I'd like to focus on getting to my 25th volunteer milestone first. This Saturday will be my 10th volunteer experience, so getting to 25 in 2019 is very achievable. It's nice to give something back to an event that's given me so much!
So although I've 'only' run nine miles since the marathon, I know how important it is to let my body - and my mind - recover from marathon number two. And from the year that has gone by - I had started training this time last year, and was starting to really up my mileage and run three times a week instead of two. Therefore the entire past year has been spent training for a marathon, and I'm ready to rest from that!
After the Edinburgh Marathon I wrote a post about my 30 week training plan, and all the running I had built up over that time to feel marathon ready: http://anxious-ambler.blogspot.com/2018/06/training-for-my-first-marathon.html
You'll be pleased to hear this post won't be as long as that one!
Whilst out in France in April visiting Colin, Emma and new baby Matthew, we discussed the possibility of us coming back out in November around the time of the marathon festival. Colin has been involved in some way for many years - either running the full thing (twice at that point), or one of the relay options. Mum, Andrew and Ross had all been out in different years to run or support the Marathon Des Alpes-Maritime and its various events. Having my new nephew as an added incentive to visit made it even more appealing - so Dave and I started planning for another trip out in November. At this point I hadn't even run Edinburgh, so the full marathon was certainly not something I was considering!
Post-Edinburgh Marathon I did rest, running parkruns only and enjoying a bit of parkrun tourism (I wrote about that here). However I mentally felt that I had a chance at running another marathon this year. I was the fittest I'd ever been in my adult life; running felt more and more comfortable, my parkrun times were getting faster, I'd lost weight, I was eating better and barely touching alcohol. I didn't want to lose the fitness I'd gained, so it felt almost natural to start another training cycle in the summer.
The week beginning the 16th of July gave me sixteen weeks to the Nice Cannes Marathon. Funnily enough I was in Copenhagen at the start of that week, and my schedule got off to a slow start! I didn't actually enter the marathon until the 9th of August, but I'd tentatively started running through the week again.
I was definitely a lot more relaxed on this training cycle. I was coming from a higher base level of fitness, and I had the confidence behind me that I had completed a marathon before, so I was less anxious about doing it again.
It seemed to take me a while to build back up to longer runs though - in fact it took until the 28th of August to get into double digit runs again. I had my first half marathon-distance run planned for the 17th of September, and I'd handily entered a virtual half marathon around Loch Leven. This was a brilliant idea of Kinross Road Runners to use up leftover t-shirts and medals from their half marathon event back in May, with the entry fee of £8 going to the RSPB at Vane Farm on the shores of the loch. As my in-laws live near Kinross, running here is such a treat because it's a change from the norm (I do get a bit fed up of running the same road in and out of Stow!), a beautiful place, and there's a hot shower and delicious food awaiting me within ten minutes of completion!
I was going steadily until just before the six mile mark when I tripped and fell, landing mostly on my elbow which broke the fall and meant my hand and knee didn't see too much damage. It hurt! I thought I'd dust myself off and keep running, but I couldn't stop the blood from my elbow (despite my best efforts to wipe it on the grass!) and I felt a bit shaken. Ironically my nearest landmark was Vane Farm, so I started walking a mile and a half back to there. I was lucky it happened within such close reach of shelter! I waited for Dave there, who had to have a much quicker dog walk than he'd intended! I was fine of course - but annoyed as I had been feeling good and my legs and head were in the game.
The following week I completed my virtual Loch Leven half marathon entry, and added two - painful - miles onto the end to make it up to fifteen miles.
The first two weeks of October then saw my longest runs - 18 miles and 20 miles. The eighteen mile run was on the back roads of Stow, made even tougher by a headwind and the fact I didn't feel very enthusiastic about my route. My twenty mile run was out at West Linton, somewhere else I love running for variety and the proximity of my mum and dad's home comforts! It was tough of course, but more enjoyable than the previous week's run.
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| A low sky day! |
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| The dogs helping me foam roll! |
Towards the end of the training cycle, I started to read back my journal from Edinburgh Marathon training, and was quite shocked to realise I've lost nearly a stone in weight in the past year! Whilst this wasn't my motivation to start running, I felt (and am feeling) a lot better for it.
I'm really chuffed now to be able to say I ran two marathons in just over five months. I never thought I would be capable of this.
I'm happy to focus now on my parkrun goals, and perhaps introduce a wee bit of mid-week running occasionally should I feel like it - but I'm happy not to feel I have to do that. A break from thinking about marathons and training for a marathon is very welcome indeed - but I'm no longer saying never when it comes to marathon number three. Watch this space!
Monday 12 November 2018
Running my second marathon - Nice Cannes 2018
I ran another marathon!
Running two in just over five months wasn't entirely my plan for this year...but I'm so proud to say I've done it.
Having trained for nine months for the Edinburgh Marathon and then having the most amazing experience running it, I found myself at a loss during the summer with no event to train for. I also didn't want to lose the fitness I had gained. However I mentally wasn't ready to sign up for another marathon (it's a huge commitment!) and in July I wrote about my struggles to get back into enjoying running post-marathon: anxious-ambler.blogspot.com/2018/07/june-and-july-parkrunning-and-family-fun.html
By August I was tentatively 'in training' again. Dave and I had booked flights to go out to France to visit my brother Colin, sister-in-law and baby nephew in November, and the timing coincided (deliberately!) with the 11th Nice to Cannes marathon (or Marathon Des Alpes-Maritime to give it its official title). However it took me a while to actually commit and enter the marathon (I swithered about doing the two person half marathon event instead). Eventually I plucked up the courage, knowing I'd regret not giving it a go. Colin had already entered the full marathon, so we could spur each other on - although he was planning to run a time a full hour faster than me!
As with Edinburgh I was very nervous about a lot of things - again the weather was a concern, again I worried it would be too hot for me. However I did also find myself feeling strangely relaxed and calm; my training had gone well - despite my first running fall (I took a painful tumble on a run round Loch Leven), my runs had generally gone well. My pace had increased and I felt fitter than ever before. I felt a sense of confidence that I hadn't had before Edinburgh - now I knew I could do it because I'd done it before!
On arrival in Nice on Thursday 1st November we went along to the Expo - something I'd never experienced before. It was a bit overwhelming to be honest and made it all seem so real!
In the days prior to the marathon we chilled out and spent valuable time with family. My nephew Matthew had just started crawling so we had lots of fun chasing him around the house. We did have a few restless nights however he was very good the night before the marathon I have to say!
My alarm went off at 5am on Sunday 4th November and I was nervous. Not as nervous as Edinburgh but definitely apprehensive about the day ahead. I had some porridge Colin had cooked, but somehow ran out of time to eat my bagel. And more disastrously - ran out of time to go to the toilet before we left the house! No problem, I thought at the time, I'll go before the start...
Emma kindly drove us to Golfe Juan where we caught the 6.30am train to Nice - at each stop more and more runners got on, and the nerves continued to build. Colin tried to point out various places we'd run past in a few hours time but it was still dark. Given the train took over half an hour, I realised quite how far this run would be!
(A really cool 3D route map here: http://www.marathon06.com/2018/AN/infospratiques/parcoursetprofils.htm)
Sadly when we got to Nice we made a few wrong decisions when it came to potential toilet stops (including nearly getting locked in a bathroom with a rapidly overflowing and thus unusable toilet - horrible!!), and by the time we got near the start, the portaloo queues were excessive and we didn't have time to wait. The toilet situation unfortunately really lets this marathon down - nowhere near enough, particularly at the start, but also on the route. This had a massive impact on me - physically and mentally. When I got into my start pen about 5/10 minutes before the start at 8am, I didn't feel great and I was concerned.
I stood near the 4 hours 30 minutes pacer, but kept a distance as he had a crowd of folk all around him. Despite not understanding most of the pre-race build up, there was a goosebumps moment when La Marseillaise was played. I felt nervous for Colin too - injury had prevented him from training as much as he wanted to, but he was up there with the 3.30 pacer and I knew I'd just have to wait until I got to Cannes to find out how he was.
A very lovely Irish man called Kevin came to chat to me before the start which I really appreciated - he was running the first half and his partner was running the second. The Nice Cannes Marathon offers a two person team option as well as a six person relay option which seemed really popular (11,220 runners in total - 6356 doing the full marathon, 2188 doing the halfs, and 446 relay teams of 6). We all had different coloured race numbers to distinguish who was doing what - very handy to remember whenever a relay runner seemed to sprint off!
It only took me 5 minutes to cross the start line, a big - and very welcome - difference from the 20 minutes it took me at Edinburgh. At that point you just want to get underway, so I really appreciated how quickly it happened. It helped that runners filled both sides of the road, not joining up until a few miles had gone by (I think - can't really remember!).
Despite it being a cloudy day, the first 6 miles or so felt very warm. I cursed my choice of t-shirt as it felt heavy and hot. At each water stop I poured water over my head and chucked some in my face. I felt very un-glamorous next to the female French runners!
I had originally felt critical of the Edinburgh Marathon not having pacers, but I feel totally differently now. I set off at a steady pace, knowing mile splits starting with the number 10 would see me to roughly a 4.30 marathon like how Edinburgh had panned out. However, the 4.30 pacer shot off into the distance, and I felt hugely demoralised. How can they be running that fast I thought. I tried to tell myself to stick to my plan, go easy and not try to chase them down. If I went too quickly at the start I'd regret it later. But it played heavily on my mind, as my original thought had been to stay near the pacer.
My pacing was pretty steady but my stomach was anything but. I knew I'd have to stop for the toilet somewhere, but they were few and far between. The first part of the marathon takes you along the Promenade des Anglais, then out past Nice Airport and into Saint-Laurent-Du-Var and Cagnes-Sur-Mer. I was barely taking anything in though, as I just kept thinking about having to stop. Ironically around the 9 mile mark I started to feel like I was really getting into my stride. I also caught up with the 4.30 pace group - although typically as I caught them up, I saw the pacer check his watch and speed up!
I had clocked two portaloos with no queue on the other side of a short-ish out-and-back section, so I decided I'd stop there when the time came. Typically there were two women waiting when I got there, but I decided I'd commit to waiting. I watched the 4.30 pacer and group disappear into the distance and *spoiler alert* I never saw them again.
I waited what felt like an age, and weirdly as I got into the portaloo my watch beeped for 10 miles - and my mile split was 13.45 due to the wait. Safe to say I was pretty gutted, compounded by the fact that the stop did nothing to make me feel better. I felt more panicked when I left the portaloo, and had to give myself a real talking to to try and stop myself sprinting off to chase the pacer.
Mentally and physically I did not get this marathon right. From 10 miles onwards I was on a downwards spiral, suffering and struggling. There were moments I felt stronger - mile splits at 12, 16 and 17 all started with a 9 - but they were fleeting. My stomach never settled, although I thankfully managed to take my gels at roughly 5 mile intervals without too much trouble.
The other issue I had was with mosquito bites - I'd been bitten the day before whilst strolling in Golfe Juan. The bites were right on my ankles, therefore they rubbed against my trainers and itched really badly. When I finally got my trainers off at the end of the marathon, both ankles were swollen. At least they gave me an occasional distraction from my stomach!
There was a really tough section along the coast coming towards Antibes. It was very exposed and windy and cold. I was grateful of my warmer t-shirt now!
Thankfully I knew I'd see Dave, Emma and Matthew at Antibes. This thought kept me going for a long time. Unfortunately the support on the route was pretty terrible - perhaps I was spoiled by how good it was at Edinburgh. The spectators in this part of the world seem to be fair-weather supporters, and tend to cheer for who they know, not the rest of the runners. I'd observed this at the Cannes Triathlon when we'd been out in April, but I was hopeful the marathon would be different. I'd had my name printed on my t-shirt to make the cheering easier - only one person in 26.2 miles called it out!
I don't mean to be so negative, but I found the lack of support soul-destroying. I felt incredibly lonely out there. The marathon is such a mental battle and this made me feel even worse about the whole endeavour. Why was I actually doing this?
Anyway, thank goodness for my cheer squad at the halfway point!
I actually cried when I saw them - not for the first or last time in this marathon! I really wanted to stop and ask them how Colin was, but I would've cried too much and been too tempted to pull out all together! I later found out Colin was a bit emotional when he saw them too.
Then I was on my own again. Some of the toughest sections came at the Antibes stage, with a few small but tricky inclines, and here I felt the full force of the headwind. I felt I was going backwards at times running into that wind. I have to say it made it incredibly tough - but on the flip-side there were a number of sections with a tailwind that made a huge difference to spirits!
It was near Antibes I saw my first official photographer - another thing I found lacking in this marathon, although to be honest it's probably for the best as I couldn't crack a smile anyway! Needless to say I didn't buy any of my photos, so you'll have to make do with these poor quality screenshots, but they prove I did manage a thumbs up somehow!
The rest is a bit of a blur I have to say - it was a case of putting my head down, gritting my teeth and getting on with it. I lost my form entirely, so I started getting sore much earlier in the marathon. I put my tunes on at mile 16, but even my cheesiest, most motivational songs couldn't make a difference to the mindset I was in. I considered calling it a day and pulling out - but because of the linear nature of the marathon, and my support team being at the end in Cannes, I knew I'd just have to get there. I accepted that my time would be slower than Edinburgh, and the main priority now was just to get to the finish, one way or another.
The route eventually left Antibes (such a long section!) and took us along the sea front of Juan Les Pins - I'd run here back in April and enjoyed it, but of course - whine whine whine - this was just a struggle and a shuffle.
My pace really slowed after 20 miles - mile splits at 21, 22 and 23 all started with an 11. I was really grinding it out here, wishing it was over.
After a tough incline leaving Golfe Juan, a joyful downhill section - complete with a joyful tailwind - took us into the outskirts of Cannes. I was so glad I was nearly done!
Of course there was one last sting in the tail for this marathon. Once the route turns onto Boulevard de la Croisette, essentially the finishing straight, we were right back into the headwind with over a kilometre to go. It's such a long, soul-destroying finish, and at no point can you actually see the finish line. The increase in crowd numbers is the only clue - and thankfully these spectators were actually cheering all the runners in! I upped my pace but it seemed to go on forever. When will the suffering be over?!
Eventually I spotted Dave and Colin in the crowd on the left, and managed to high-five them before eventually crossing the finishing line: https://www.marathon-photos.com/scripts/event.py?event=Sports/CPUK/2018/Marathon%20des%20Alpes-Maritimes&match=5125&name=Helen&new_search=1
I felt utterly broken! But so glad it was over. And I repeated the thought I'd had for the last few hours - never again. The first thing I did was reply to a text from Mum and I said 'never again and I mean it'. I couldn't figure out why I'd just put myself through that pain and misery!
After the finish line there's a long funnel where you collect your medal, t-shirt and various items of food and drink. I was weeping and other runners were hugging me and trying to reassure me in French. I just kept saying 'never again, never again' and they would laugh. I didn't have the mindset to appreciate it at that point, but the medal and t-shirt are really good. Still, it's a long way to go for a medal and a t-shirt right?!
I met up with Dave at the finish and he tried to get me away from the crowds as I don't like being surrounded by people. It didn't help my panic or emotions. I asked him how Colin was - he had been going really well and sticking with the 3.30 pace group until he cramped at mile 22 and struggled from there. He finished with a PB though, 3.36, an amazing achievement given how tough training had been! I was so proud - and relieved!
I couldn't find that pride for myself though - I was gutted. I really thought I would run a faster time than Edinburgh - I know time doesn't matter, and 26.2 miles is 26.2 miles no matter what time you run it in - but I personally felt after the training cycle I'd had, I had a faster time in me than my 4.33.51. Not massively so, just closer to the 4.30 mark. I probably assumed that marathon number two would be an 'improvement' on marathon number one, that I'd naturally run faster because I knew what I was doing this time. I know how wrong this is now, and I also know that I just had a bad day. I had a really good day on 27th of May in Edinburgh - everything went right for me on the day - and on the 4th of November in France I had a bad day.
(According to Garmin, my 'moving time' was actually 4.32.21 but I know it's chip time that counts!)
I also quite like the symmetry that Colin and I have the same time - in minutes anyway :)
This marathon was a huge learning curve for me. I was incredibly negative afterwards, and still feel emotionally drained when I revisit how those 26.2 miles actually felt at the time. However, eight days later I see it for what it is - an incredible achievement that I am so very proud of. I managed to finish it despite the odds that were against me, and in a time not too far off my PB. It's easy for me to pick over the details and beat myself up for getting it 'wrong', but I finished a marathon, so I actually got it very right.
My 'never again' has now changed to 'sometime in the future - but not anytime soon'. I really do need a break from thinking about, training for, and running a marathon. I want to enjoy my running and run for fun - my next big goal is get to the milestone of 50 parkruns, and also 10 volunteer stints - I'm on course for this to happen on the 1st and 8th of December.
So I'm looking back on the Marathon Des Alpes-Maritime with kinder eyes and more positivity. It was an absolutely beautiful route, with stunning coastline, mountain views and pretty villages. The conditions were tough given the headwind, but it was dry, not too hot, and with a helpful tailwind at times. It is a very well organised marathon, with lots of goodies to take away. The volunteers were helpful and friendly, and the expo was an experience. My major criticism is of the lack of toilets - it's something every runner needs at the start of a marathon and there simply weren't enough. I later learned that this marathon was comprised of 74% men and 26% women, and I'd say the toilet situation reflected that!
I loved sharing this experience with Colin; this was his fourth marathon and I'd missed his first three, and I know he would've liked to be in Edinburgh for my first. We were both so lucky to have the support of Dave, Emma and Matthew, and I know they got us through the tough times out there.
Dave and Emma's amazing support continued once we got home (after hitching a lift with a Kurdish local - but that's another story!), as they cooked up a storm and we were treated to a fry-up complete with Irn Bru. The perfect post-marathon sustenance, thanks guys! Sharing the experience with my nephew was also really special.
My quads were very sore for a few days after the marathon, but I was lucky to survive with my toenails intact and not a blister to be seen. My mozzie bites were annoying but bearable.
We travelled back to Scotland on Tuesday the 6th of November, and I struggled with the many downstairs we had to navigate on our way round Nice, Gatwick and Edinburgh airports. It took me all of last week to shake off the fatigue, and today is really the first day I've started to feel 'normal' again. I tailwalked at Vogrie parkrun on Saturday, knowing that running it six days after the marathon would've been a mistake! I'm looking forward to visiting the new Peebles parkrun this weekend, and then focusing on getting to 50 in early December. I'll stick with running just parkrun for now, and let myself fully recover before I do any more running than that.
Mentally I have put myself back together, and thankfully feel far more positive about the experience than I did before. But marathon number three will not be happening any time soon...!
Running two in just over five months wasn't entirely my plan for this year...but I'm so proud to say I've done it.
Having trained for nine months for the Edinburgh Marathon and then having the most amazing experience running it, I found myself at a loss during the summer with no event to train for. I also didn't want to lose the fitness I had gained. However I mentally wasn't ready to sign up for another marathon (it's a huge commitment!) and in July I wrote about my struggles to get back into enjoying running post-marathon: anxious-ambler.blogspot.com/2018/07/june-and-july-parkrunning-and-family-fun.html
By August I was tentatively 'in training' again. Dave and I had booked flights to go out to France to visit my brother Colin, sister-in-law and baby nephew in November, and the timing coincided (deliberately!) with the 11th Nice to Cannes marathon (or Marathon Des Alpes-Maritime to give it its official title). However it took me a while to actually commit and enter the marathon (I swithered about doing the two person half marathon event instead). Eventually I plucked up the courage, knowing I'd regret not giving it a go. Colin had already entered the full marathon, so we could spur each other on - although he was planning to run a time a full hour faster than me!
As with Edinburgh I was very nervous about a lot of things - again the weather was a concern, again I worried it would be too hot for me. However I did also find myself feeling strangely relaxed and calm; my training had gone well - despite my first running fall (I took a painful tumble on a run round Loch Leven), my runs had generally gone well. My pace had increased and I felt fitter than ever before. I felt a sense of confidence that I hadn't had before Edinburgh - now I knew I could do it because I'd done it before!
On arrival in Nice on Thursday 1st November we went along to the Expo - something I'd never experienced before. It was a bit overwhelming to be honest and made it all seem so real!
Emma kindly drove us to Golfe Juan where we caught the 6.30am train to Nice - at each stop more and more runners got on, and the nerves continued to build. Colin tried to point out various places we'd run past in a few hours time but it was still dark. Given the train took over half an hour, I realised quite how far this run would be!
Sadly when we got to Nice we made a few wrong decisions when it came to potential toilet stops (including nearly getting locked in a bathroom with a rapidly overflowing and thus unusable toilet - horrible!!), and by the time we got near the start, the portaloo queues were excessive and we didn't have time to wait. The toilet situation unfortunately really lets this marathon down - nowhere near enough, particularly at the start, but also on the route. This had a massive impact on me - physically and mentally. When I got into my start pen about 5/10 minutes before the start at 8am, I didn't feel great and I was concerned.
I stood near the 4 hours 30 minutes pacer, but kept a distance as he had a crowd of folk all around him. Despite not understanding most of the pre-race build up, there was a goosebumps moment when La Marseillaise was played. I felt nervous for Colin too - injury had prevented him from training as much as he wanted to, but he was up there with the 3.30 pacer and I knew I'd just have to wait until I got to Cannes to find out how he was.
A very lovely Irish man called Kevin came to chat to me before the start which I really appreciated - he was running the first half and his partner was running the second. The Nice Cannes Marathon offers a two person team option as well as a six person relay option which seemed really popular (11,220 runners in total - 6356 doing the full marathon, 2188 doing the halfs, and 446 relay teams of 6). We all had different coloured race numbers to distinguish who was doing what - very handy to remember whenever a relay runner seemed to sprint off!
It only took me 5 minutes to cross the start line, a big - and very welcome - difference from the 20 minutes it took me at Edinburgh. At that point you just want to get underway, so I really appreciated how quickly it happened. It helped that runners filled both sides of the road, not joining up until a few miles had gone by (I think - can't really remember!).
Despite it being a cloudy day, the first 6 miles or so felt very warm. I cursed my choice of t-shirt as it felt heavy and hot. At each water stop I poured water over my head and chucked some in my face. I felt very un-glamorous next to the female French runners!
I had originally felt critical of the Edinburgh Marathon not having pacers, but I feel totally differently now. I set off at a steady pace, knowing mile splits starting with the number 10 would see me to roughly a 4.30 marathon like how Edinburgh had panned out. However, the 4.30 pacer shot off into the distance, and I felt hugely demoralised. How can they be running that fast I thought. I tried to tell myself to stick to my plan, go easy and not try to chase them down. If I went too quickly at the start I'd regret it later. But it played heavily on my mind, as my original thought had been to stay near the pacer.
I had clocked two portaloos with no queue on the other side of a short-ish out-and-back section, so I decided I'd stop there when the time came. Typically there were two women waiting when I got there, but I decided I'd commit to waiting. I watched the 4.30 pacer and group disappear into the distance and *spoiler alert* I never saw them again.
Mentally and physically I did not get this marathon right. From 10 miles onwards I was on a downwards spiral, suffering and struggling. There were moments I felt stronger - mile splits at 12, 16 and 17 all started with a 9 - but they were fleeting. My stomach never settled, although I thankfully managed to take my gels at roughly 5 mile intervals without too much trouble.
The other issue I had was with mosquito bites - I'd been bitten the day before whilst strolling in Golfe Juan. The bites were right on my ankles, therefore they rubbed against my trainers and itched really badly. When I finally got my trainers off at the end of the marathon, both ankles were swollen. At least they gave me an occasional distraction from my stomach!
There was a really tough section along the coast coming towards Antibes. It was very exposed and windy and cold. I was grateful of my warmer t-shirt now!
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| The last photo I managed to take! |
I don't mean to be so negative, but I found the lack of support soul-destroying. I felt incredibly lonely out there. The marathon is such a mental battle and this made me feel even worse about the whole endeavour. Why was I actually doing this?
Anyway, thank goodness for my cheer squad at the halfway point!
I actually cried when I saw them - not for the first or last time in this marathon! I really wanted to stop and ask them how Colin was, but I would've cried too much and been too tempted to pull out all together! I later found out Colin was a bit emotional when he saw them too.
Then I was on my own again. Some of the toughest sections came at the Antibes stage, with a few small but tricky inclines, and here I felt the full force of the headwind. I felt I was going backwards at times running into that wind. I have to say it made it incredibly tough - but on the flip-side there were a number of sections with a tailwind that made a huge difference to spirits!
It was near Antibes I saw my first official photographer - another thing I found lacking in this marathon, although to be honest it's probably for the best as I couldn't crack a smile anyway! Needless to say I didn't buy any of my photos, so you'll have to make do with these poor quality screenshots, but they prove I did manage a thumbs up somehow!
The rest is a bit of a blur I have to say - it was a case of putting my head down, gritting my teeth and getting on with it. I lost my form entirely, so I started getting sore much earlier in the marathon. I put my tunes on at mile 16, but even my cheesiest, most motivational songs couldn't make a difference to the mindset I was in. I considered calling it a day and pulling out - but because of the linear nature of the marathon, and my support team being at the end in Cannes, I knew I'd just have to get there. I accepted that my time would be slower than Edinburgh, and the main priority now was just to get to the finish, one way or another.
The route eventually left Antibes (such a long section!) and took us along the sea front of Juan Les Pins - I'd run here back in April and enjoyed it, but of course - whine whine whine - this was just a struggle and a shuffle.
My pace really slowed after 20 miles - mile splits at 21, 22 and 23 all started with an 11. I was really grinding it out here, wishing it was over.
After a tough incline leaving Golfe Juan, a joyful downhill section - complete with a joyful tailwind - took us into the outskirts of Cannes. I was so glad I was nearly done!
Of course there was one last sting in the tail for this marathon. Once the route turns onto Boulevard de la Croisette, essentially the finishing straight, we were right back into the headwind with over a kilometre to go. It's such a long, soul-destroying finish, and at no point can you actually see the finish line. The increase in crowd numbers is the only clue - and thankfully these spectators were actually cheering all the runners in! I upped my pace but it seemed to go on forever. When will the suffering be over?!
Eventually I spotted Dave and Colin in the crowd on the left, and managed to high-five them before eventually crossing the finishing line: https://www.marathon-photos.com/scripts/event.py?event=Sports/CPUK/2018/Marathon%20des%20Alpes-Maritimes&match=5125&name=Helen&new_search=1
I felt utterly broken! But so glad it was over. And I repeated the thought I'd had for the last few hours - never again. The first thing I did was reply to a text from Mum and I said 'never again and I mean it'. I couldn't figure out why I'd just put myself through that pain and misery!
After the finish line there's a long funnel where you collect your medal, t-shirt and various items of food and drink. I was weeping and other runners were hugging me and trying to reassure me in French. I just kept saying 'never again, never again' and they would laugh. I didn't have the mindset to appreciate it at that point, but the medal and t-shirt are really good. Still, it's a long way to go for a medal and a t-shirt right?!
I met up with Dave at the finish and he tried to get me away from the crowds as I don't like being surrounded by people. It didn't help my panic or emotions. I asked him how Colin was - he had been going really well and sticking with the 3.30 pace group until he cramped at mile 22 and struggled from there. He finished with a PB though, 3.36, an amazing achievement given how tough training had been! I was so proud - and relieved!
I couldn't find that pride for myself though - I was gutted. I really thought I would run a faster time than Edinburgh - I know time doesn't matter, and 26.2 miles is 26.2 miles no matter what time you run it in - but I personally felt after the training cycle I'd had, I had a faster time in me than my 4.33.51. Not massively so, just closer to the 4.30 mark. I probably assumed that marathon number two would be an 'improvement' on marathon number one, that I'd naturally run faster because I knew what I was doing this time. I know how wrong this is now, and I also know that I just had a bad day. I had a really good day on 27th of May in Edinburgh - everything went right for me on the day - and on the 4th of November in France I had a bad day.
(According to Garmin, my 'moving time' was actually 4.32.21 but I know it's chip time that counts!)
I also quite like the symmetry that Colin and I have the same time - in minutes anyway :)
This marathon was a huge learning curve for me. I was incredibly negative afterwards, and still feel emotionally drained when I revisit how those 26.2 miles actually felt at the time. However, eight days later I see it for what it is - an incredible achievement that I am so very proud of. I managed to finish it despite the odds that were against me, and in a time not too far off my PB. It's easy for me to pick over the details and beat myself up for getting it 'wrong', but I finished a marathon, so I actually got it very right.
My 'never again' has now changed to 'sometime in the future - but not anytime soon'. I really do need a break from thinking about, training for, and running a marathon. I want to enjoy my running and run for fun - my next big goal is get to the milestone of 50 parkruns, and also 10 volunteer stints - I'm on course for this to happen on the 1st and 8th of December.
So I'm looking back on the Marathon Des Alpes-Maritime with kinder eyes and more positivity. It was an absolutely beautiful route, with stunning coastline, mountain views and pretty villages. The conditions were tough given the headwind, but it was dry, not too hot, and with a helpful tailwind at times. It is a very well organised marathon, with lots of goodies to take away. The volunteers were helpful and friendly, and the expo was an experience. My major criticism is of the lack of toilets - it's something every runner needs at the start of a marathon and there simply weren't enough. I later learned that this marathon was comprised of 74% men and 26% women, and I'd say the toilet situation reflected that!
I loved sharing this experience with Colin; this was his fourth marathon and I'd missed his first three, and I know he would've liked to be in Edinburgh for my first. We were both so lucky to have the support of Dave, Emma and Matthew, and I know they got us through the tough times out there.
Dave and Emma's amazing support continued once we got home (after hitching a lift with a Kurdish local - but that's another story!), as they cooked up a storm and we were treated to a fry-up complete with Irn Bru. The perfect post-marathon sustenance, thanks guys! Sharing the experience with my nephew was also really special.
My quads were very sore for a few days after the marathon, but I was lucky to survive with my toenails intact and not a blister to be seen. My mozzie bites were annoying but bearable.
We travelled back to Scotland on Tuesday the 6th of November, and I struggled with the many downstairs we had to navigate on our way round Nice, Gatwick and Edinburgh airports. It took me all of last week to shake off the fatigue, and today is really the first day I've started to feel 'normal' again. I tailwalked at Vogrie parkrun on Saturday, knowing that running it six days after the marathon would've been a mistake! I'm looking forward to visiting the new Peebles parkrun this weekend, and then focusing on getting to 50 in early December. I'll stick with running just parkrun for now, and let myself fully recover before I do any more running than that.
Mentally I have put myself back together, and thankfully feel far more positive about the experience than I did before. But marathon number three will not be happening any time soon...!
Sunday 7 October 2018
Running from comfort...
I've hit that scary time a month before running a marathon where the longest runs loom and - for me anyway - the negative mindset starts to set in. This week has been a bit of a struggle running-wise; perhaps because I had already psyched myself out about my impending 18 mile run this weekend.
In my post-breakfast chill time before I set off, the lovely Sam from the inspiring Sporting Heads website (www.sportingheads.com) tweeted my story again and implied that I could actually inspire people. Ironically, it was the inspiration I myself needed before I went out!
The run was tough - 18 miles with a brutal headwind for much of it - and it certainly hurt, but that was to be expected. It gave me a chance to reflect on my own toughness - or perceived lack thereof - and the rollercoaster journey that is life.
As tough as 18 miles was, the last 18 months have been tougher. Being signed off with stress from my job and ultimately having to leave it, my big brother getting ill, starting a business only for it to come crashing down 6 months later at the hands of someone else, back to work and struggling with a new challenging job...it's no wonder I find myself at a stage of life where I am probably the most unsure I've ever been about my place and my future. I worry about so much, what's ahead and how to get there. The headwind sometimes feels unrelenting and the progress so very slow.
Thank goodness for running then! It's my only measure of progress, a perfect antidote to anxiety (although of course it is far from anxiety-free!), good for my physical and mental health, and challenging enough to feel I have achieved something huge when it is done. Parkrun (happy 14th birthday incidentally!) has changed my life for the better and given me a focus when I've needed it most. Without parkrun, I wouldn't have had the confidence to train for - let alone enter and complete - a marathon. Now I am on the cusp of marathon number two, and reflecting on this journey.
Running can feel so incredibly uncomfortable - something I'm trying to embrace - and therefore is a perfect metaphor for life right now. I'm not where I want to be, I'm giving myself a hard time for that, I'm worrying about money, I'm not keeping up with friends...and I'm not feeling comfortable at all. But I think that's okay...it's a stage, and it'll pass. Or it'll stay, but I'll learn to embrace it more and feel more comfortable with it. At some point I'll turn and feel that tailwind boosting me up the next hill and taking me ever closer to feeling good and feeling happy.
This is why I run. It's tough...but maybe I'm tougher?
Next week is 20 miles....!
In my post-breakfast chill time before I set off, the lovely Sam from the inspiring Sporting Heads website (www.sportingheads.com) tweeted my story again and implied that I could actually inspire people. Ironically, it was the inspiration I myself needed before I went out!
The run was tough - 18 miles with a brutal headwind for much of it - and it certainly hurt, but that was to be expected. It gave me a chance to reflect on my own toughness - or perceived lack thereof - and the rollercoaster journey that is life.
As tough as 18 miles was, the last 18 months have been tougher. Being signed off with stress from my job and ultimately having to leave it, my big brother getting ill, starting a business only for it to come crashing down 6 months later at the hands of someone else, back to work and struggling with a new challenging job...it's no wonder I find myself at a stage of life where I am probably the most unsure I've ever been about my place and my future. I worry about so much, what's ahead and how to get there. The headwind sometimes feels unrelenting and the progress so very slow.
Thank goodness for running then! It's my only measure of progress, a perfect antidote to anxiety (although of course it is far from anxiety-free!), good for my physical and mental health, and challenging enough to feel I have achieved something huge when it is done. Parkrun (happy 14th birthday incidentally!) has changed my life for the better and given me a focus when I've needed it most. Without parkrun, I wouldn't have had the confidence to train for - let alone enter and complete - a marathon. Now I am on the cusp of marathon number two, and reflecting on this journey.
Running can feel so incredibly uncomfortable - something I'm trying to embrace - and therefore is a perfect metaphor for life right now. I'm not where I want to be, I'm giving myself a hard time for that, I'm worrying about money, I'm not keeping up with friends...and I'm not feeling comfortable at all. But I think that's okay...it's a stage, and it'll pass. Or it'll stay, but I'll learn to embrace it more and feel more comfortable with it. At some point I'll turn and feel that tailwind boosting me up the next hill and taking me ever closer to feeling good and feeling happy.
This is why I run. It's tough...but maybe I'm tougher?
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| Inspirational words from my oldest friend Amy |
Next week is 20 miles....!
Sunday 16 September 2018
Mountain, marathon and mental mojo
My mountain (aka Munro) mojo, marathon (aka running) mojo and mental mojo all seem to have been lacking recently - not necessarily all at the same time, but it has been frustrating nonetheless.
Perhaps it was inevitable after such a big build up to the Edinburgh Marathon (literally over nine months!), and especially so given what an incredible experience it was. There was always going to be a feeling of 'come down' from such an exciting time.
I expected I'd take a few months off running, doing parkrun only, and spend time focusing on getting my Munro count up again. It didn't happen that way...I still haven't bagged a Munro since June 2017, and it's looking even less likely I'll reach my target of 50 by the end of the year (that was also my 2017 target!). I've lost a lot of confidence when it comes to Munro-bagging trips, especially the thought of going solo.
And that's a big part of the mental malaise too. I've struggled to find motivation or excitement for anything really. Sometimes it comes in waves and my mental health can fluctuate between great or terrible. I struggle to ride these waves at times, but I'm more aware of the trends than I used to be, so I can handle them slightly better than previously.
Something I've been trying to embrace recently is the concept of getting comfortable with feeling uncomfortable, and although this applies mostly to my running, I actually think I can put it to use for other aspects of my life too. Be that exhibiting my handmade cards and flowers at a craft fair - massively out of my comfort zone and something I'd generally rather turn down politely then stay at home wishing I'd said yes, but have actually managed to force myself to do recently - or handling challenging situations at work. Sometimes that feeling of being out of your comfort zone, albeit scary and uncomfortable, means that the next time you find yourself in a similar situation, you are able to handle it slightly better. I suppose this means confidence can grow each time you push yourself to do something hard.
This has become very apparent to me through running. I know my blog for the past year or so has predominantly focused on running; it has become the most obvious measure of progress for me, so it's inevitable that it has become the subject of my posts recently. I'd definitely been feeling a bit 'adrift' with running post-marathon, and wrote a blog post in July about the enjoyment factor of parkrun in getting me back into shape, mentally more than physically: http://anxious-ambler.blogspot.com/2018/07/june-and-july-parkrunning-and-family-fun.html
Parkrun will always be a huge positive focus in my life because it has given me so much. I missed my 'one year anniversary' parkrun on the 4th of August due to a craft fair, but celebrated it the week after by attending the inaugural Loch Leven parkrun. This was my first inaugural (should that be inaugural inaugural?) and was well timed as we were up staying with Dave's parents in Kinross the night before anyway - I love that there's now a parkrun on their doorstep! It goes without saying that this is a beautiful location for a parkrun, although unexpectedly challenging with a few inclines in the route! I really enjoyed it, and look forward to going back. I'm also hoping to visit Lanark Moor parkrun soon, which also launched on that same day, as it's half an hour or so from my parents.
(All these new parkruns are so exciting and have got me planning so many potential routes in the Scottish Borders!)
I had a wee look back at my diary entry from 5th August 2017, the day I attended my first parkrun:
My official time that day was 28.34, and after a few months of going (plus starting marathon training) I set myself a target of trying to run under 25 minutes by the end of 2017. I was getting close; by this time my PB was 25.07 but that was hard fought. I managed 24.36 on the 2nd of December, but it took until the 31st of March this year to get anywhere near that, with a PB of 24.18.
I know parkrun is not about times, and it's a run not a race. But it's also a very personal journey, and those four numbers you get an hour or so after the run can really change your mindset. I was sure I had plateaued around the 24 minute mark, although I set myself the ambitious target of running under 24 minutes by the end of 2018. At the same time, Ross mentioned he was hoping to run under 20 minutes this year. Vogrie is a challenging course, with a couple of small inclines, often plenty of mud, tree roots and occasional horse poo...but as our home course it's where we wanted to set those times.
I don't know quite what happened last week - apart from it being great PB conditions (dry and a bit chilly!), wearing my road trainers for a change, and Ross and I starting nearer the front than normal - but we both smashed our PBs and achieved our targets for the year. I somehow knocked one minute and five seconds off my time, and almost came close to running under 23 minutes!
It put me in an incredible mood for the rest of the weekend, and into this week! It was so unexpected and has given me such a confidence boost. Yesterday I ran 23.06, and it actually felt okay, so I'm really excited to see where this takes me next! Parkrun gets under your skin in the best possible way, and Saturday mornings will never be the same again.
The running mojo had, incidentally, returned prior to this recent turn of events. In fact it has returned, as suspected, with the prospect of something else to train for...marathon number two in fact! I'll keep you in suspense for now (as I get superstitious about saying which marathon it is and when, just in case it doesn't happen!), but it will be this year and not on Scottish soil. How exciting!
I feel a lot more relaxed with my training this time around, which I suppose you could put down to an element of confidence too. Gosh, I'm not used to having any confidence so it doesn't always sit well with me when I say or write that I have it! However I am at the point where I need to start increasing my long run distances, and for some reason I'm finding that hard to do. I have a 'virtual' half marathon to do at some point soon around Loch Leven, so I'm hoping that gives me the kick-start I need (a brilliant idea by the Kinross Road Runners in order to use up their leftover t-shirts and medals from their half marathon - https://www.entrycentral.com/llvcm - the entry fee goes to the RSPB at Vane Farm and the run can be done at any time before the end of October).
The mountain - or hill-walking at least - mojo also got a wee boost last weekend, with a fantastic Sunday walk in the Pentlands. It felt great to put my walking boots on again, and have Dave and Tig's company on a testing but rewarding route. We set off from Flotterstone and 'bagged' Turnhouse, Carnethy, Scald Law, South Black Hill, East Kip and West Kip, before taking the lower route past Loganlea and Glencorse reservoirs back to Flotterstone. The total ascent on this 11 mile walk is approximately 2950 feet, so it certainly feels like good Munro training!
It felt great to be back, and makes me hopeful that I can get over the fears that are holding me back from Munro-bagging again. I hope there's at least one trip before the year is out.
It goes without saying that my mental mojo improves with every run or walk, yet sometimes the hardest part is getting out of the door. It feels great to be enjoying my running again, but I recognise that my fear of the mountains comes from a feeling of anxiety and lack of confidence. There really is only one way to conquer this - to the hills!
Perhaps it was inevitable after such a big build up to the Edinburgh Marathon (literally over nine months!), and especially so given what an incredible experience it was. There was always going to be a feeling of 'come down' from such an exciting time.
I expected I'd take a few months off running, doing parkrun only, and spend time focusing on getting my Munro count up again. It didn't happen that way...I still haven't bagged a Munro since June 2017, and it's looking even less likely I'll reach my target of 50 by the end of the year (that was also my 2017 target!). I've lost a lot of confidence when it comes to Munro-bagging trips, especially the thought of going solo.
And that's a big part of the mental malaise too. I've struggled to find motivation or excitement for anything really. Sometimes it comes in waves and my mental health can fluctuate between great or terrible. I struggle to ride these waves at times, but I'm more aware of the trends than I used to be, so I can handle them slightly better than previously.
Something I've been trying to embrace recently is the concept of getting comfortable with feeling uncomfortable, and although this applies mostly to my running, I actually think I can put it to use for other aspects of my life too. Be that exhibiting my handmade cards and flowers at a craft fair - massively out of my comfort zone and something I'd generally rather turn down politely then stay at home wishing I'd said yes, but have actually managed to force myself to do recently - or handling challenging situations at work. Sometimes that feeling of being out of your comfort zone, albeit scary and uncomfortable, means that the next time you find yourself in a similar situation, you are able to handle it slightly better. I suppose this means confidence can grow each time you push yourself to do something hard.
This has become very apparent to me through running. I know my blog for the past year or so has predominantly focused on running; it has become the most obvious measure of progress for me, so it's inevitable that it has become the subject of my posts recently. I'd definitely been feeling a bit 'adrift' with running post-marathon, and wrote a blog post in July about the enjoyment factor of parkrun in getting me back into shape, mentally more than physically: http://anxious-ambler.blogspot.com/2018/07/june-and-july-parkrunning-and-family-fun.html
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| Smiling again at the Abbotsford Trail Race, 19th August |
Parkrun will always be a huge positive focus in my life because it has given me so much. I missed my 'one year anniversary' parkrun on the 4th of August due to a craft fair, but celebrated it the week after by attending the inaugural Loch Leven parkrun. This was my first inaugural (should that be inaugural inaugural?) and was well timed as we were up staying with Dave's parents in Kinross the night before anyway - I love that there's now a parkrun on their doorstep! It goes without saying that this is a beautiful location for a parkrun, although unexpectedly challenging with a few inclines in the route! I really enjoyed it, and look forward to going back. I'm also hoping to visit Lanark Moor parkrun soon, which also launched on that same day, as it's half an hour or so from my parents.
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| Loch Leven inaugural parkrun on 11th August - I'm in orange somewhere! |
(All these new parkruns are so exciting and have got me planning so many potential routes in the Scottish Borders!)
I had a wee look back at my diary entry from 5th August 2017, the day I attended my first parkrun:
I know parkrun is not about times, and it's a run not a race. But it's also a very personal journey, and those four numbers you get an hour or so after the run can really change your mindset. I was sure I had plateaued around the 24 minute mark, although I set myself the ambitious target of running under 24 minutes by the end of 2018. At the same time, Ross mentioned he was hoping to run under 20 minutes this year. Vogrie is a challenging course, with a couple of small inclines, often plenty of mud, tree roots and occasional horse poo...but as our home course it's where we wanted to set those times.
I don't know quite what happened last week - apart from it being great PB conditions (dry and a bit chilly!), wearing my road trainers for a change, and Ross and I starting nearer the front than normal - but we both smashed our PBs and achieved our targets for the year. I somehow knocked one minute and five seconds off my time, and almost came close to running under 23 minutes!
It put me in an incredible mood for the rest of the weekend, and into this week! It was so unexpected and has given me such a confidence boost. Yesterday I ran 23.06, and it actually felt okay, so I'm really excited to see where this takes me next! Parkrun gets under your skin in the best possible way, and Saturday mornings will never be the same again.
The running mojo had, incidentally, returned prior to this recent turn of events. In fact it has returned, as suspected, with the prospect of something else to train for...marathon number two in fact! I'll keep you in suspense for now (as I get superstitious about saying which marathon it is and when, just in case it doesn't happen!), but it will be this year and not on Scottish soil. How exciting!
I feel a lot more relaxed with my training this time around, which I suppose you could put down to an element of confidence too. Gosh, I'm not used to having any confidence so it doesn't always sit well with me when I say or write that I have it! However I am at the point where I need to start increasing my long run distances, and for some reason I'm finding that hard to do. I have a 'virtual' half marathon to do at some point soon around Loch Leven, so I'm hoping that gives me the kick-start I need (a brilliant idea by the Kinross Road Runners in order to use up their leftover t-shirts and medals from their half marathon - https://www.entrycentral.com/llvcm - the entry fee goes to the RSPB at Vane Farm and the run can be done at any time before the end of October).
The mountain - or hill-walking at least - mojo also got a wee boost last weekend, with a fantastic Sunday walk in the Pentlands. It felt great to put my walking boots on again, and have Dave and Tig's company on a testing but rewarding route. We set off from Flotterstone and 'bagged' Turnhouse, Carnethy, Scald Law, South Black Hill, East Kip and West Kip, before taking the lower route past Loganlea and Glencorse reservoirs back to Flotterstone. The total ascent on this 11 mile walk is approximately 2950 feet, so it certainly feels like good Munro training!
It goes without saying that my mental mojo improves with every run or walk, yet sometimes the hardest part is getting out of the door. It feels great to be enjoying my running again, but I recognise that my fear of the mountains comes from a feeling of anxiety and lack of confidence. There really is only one way to conquer this - to the hills!
Monday 30 July 2018
June and July: parkrunning and family fun
You know a month is going to be good when it has five Saturdays in it - meaning five parkruns! June saw me venturing out of my comfort zone and experiencing not one but two parkrun tourism opportunities. I set a new 5k personal best (PB) and a PB on my home course at Vogrie.
July brought my first international parkrun and a new PB at Vogrie (knocking a whole one second off June's best time!). It also brought the Dog Jog, marking a one year anniversary since I started running. Lots to be positive about, yet I find I am struggling with my running at the moment and I'm not sure why...maybe it's just the inevitable comedown after such an amazing experience running the Edinburgh Marathon. Perhaps I am pushing myself a bit hard and expecting too much of myself (wouldn't be the first time).
A few people have said to me that perhaps it's the lack of a target to focus on, and I think this is a fair point too. Signing up for my first marathon held me accountable - I had to do the training (or as much of it as I possibly could!). Whilst this sometimes affected my enjoyment of running, I did have this huge goal to focus on and I wanted to achieve that goal.
Now I feel a bit adrift - there's no running goal to work towards.
But I definitely think it was the right thing to do to have time after the marathon to process it and not jump straight into the next challenge. I could've quite easily signed up for another marathon by now, but I've forced myself to wait. I know I needed a good chunk of time to recover - after all the marathon was in my thoughts for over nine months. I still don't feel quite ready to be honest, and that's two months post-marathon. But that's okay; in the meantime I will try to work towards finding my love for running again, rather than it feeling so hard.
Although having said that, my first parkrun back - just six days after the marathon - was not so good! I collapsed on the grass in tears after the run, taking both Dave and Tig (who meet me at the finish line) by surprise - "I've never seen you react like that after a parkrun" said Dave. I really struggled - perhaps it was just too soon after the marathon - and I was still very emotionally drained let alone physically.
Thankfully the following week I had my first ever parkrun tourism planned, so this would hopefully be a great way to just enjoy the ethos behind parkrun and not worry about times or PBs or trying too hard or anything like that...that was the plan anyway!
We made our way to Lochore Meadows Country Park, just outside of Lochgelly, and handily on the way to my in-laws in Kinross. A beautiful park next to Lochore plus a friendly team of volunteers makes this is such a great parkrun event. It was perfect for my first adventure away from my home course at Vogrie.
There was a very fast start indeed, and I found myself setting off at a pace I knew I wouldn't be able to keep up. My watch beeped for my first mile at 7.37 and I knew I was in trouble! However I'm pleased to say that miles two and three were also under 8 minutes, giving me my fastest 5k time. More than that though, this parkrun course was so beautiful - I was caught unawares by the incline on the other side of the loch though! - and I thoroughly enjoyed my experience. I went for a paddle post-run too, which always helps my limbs.
The following week brought another opportunity for some parkrun tourism, as Dave and I headed south to visit our friends Kirsty and Mike in Chelmsford.
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| Does anyone else make weird hand shapes when they're struggling?! |
Then we were off to Copenhagen in mid-July for a wonderful family reunion with the Australian contingent of Dave's family, and to witness an inspiring event. Our nephew Arran was representing Australia for the first time at the RaceRunning world championships.
We met so many wonderful people and found the whole event incredibly emotional and humbling.
I love how parkrun has changed how I travel now. One of my favourite things to do when trip-planning is to figure out if there's a parkrun nearby. Holidays and travel have changed for me with the introduction of this Saturday activity, and it's such a great way to experience a destination.
I finished July with the aforementioned teary Vogrie PB, and a volunteering stint as tailwalker. Actually I was very grateful to experience a parkrun in this role, as it gave me the reminder that it's really not about times and PBs, it's about showing up, taking part, contributing, and having a good time. An enjoyable Saturday morning spent with family members, including my brother, sister-in-law and brand new nephew, over from France.
Finally, to end July (almost) on a high, the Dog Jog event in Holyrood Park on Sunday. This is where running really began for me last July 2017. It was my first running event in nearly ten years, and rather than being a one-off, it was the catalyst to keep going - and thanks to parkrun I was able to run 5k every weekend (or as many as I could), and build up to a 10k, a half marathon, and a marathon. If I hadn't completed the Dog Jog in 2017, I may never had had the confidence to go to parkrun, and therefore running may not have been the part of my life it is now. So I owe a lot to this event!
I was initially quite anxious about the change in start time from 9am last year to 2pm this year, given the hot weather we've had recently. However it worked out for the best - we had a late-ish night on Saturday night and not a great night's sleep, so an afternoon start was perfect. And the heat was definitely not a factor - it was chilly along with torrential rain!
I really liked that we went the opposite way round Arthur's Seat than last year - it gave a feeling of variety. Tig and I set off quite quickly, and Ross and Willow set a great pace that kept us going the whole way round. I set a new fastest mile record (7.17), and finished in 7th place. So chuffed!
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| 2017 and 2018 |
I wonder what will come next? So far the only event on the calender is the Abbotsford Trail Race on 19th August. I am toying with the idea of a second marathon this year, but I am yet to make a decision. I've tentatively started to run during the week again, just to see how it feels (hot and sweaty if last week is anything to go by). I've taken to painting my toenails so I can't see how disgusting they are underneath...
Other highlights of June and July included a wonderful walk in the Ochils with Dave and his dad, the second Elliot Cursiter Memorial Walk, and pushing myself out of my comfort zone to write for Sporting Heads website. We also spent a fantastic evening/night on Gullane beach watching the sunset and toasting marshmallows with friends. There have been a number of nice walks, and despite the lack of Munro trips, it has been great to lace up the walking boots once more.
As always time is zooming by and August will be here soon. I've no doubt the feeling of being adrift will ease, and there will be new challenges and adventures to think about. I'm very fortunate to be in a position where I can run, walk or jog, and write about my experiences. Looking back on the post-marathon months has been a great reminder of the wonderful memories made, and although my mental attitude could do with a bit of work sometimes (anxiety still comes with me wherever I go), I feel the confidence I have gained in completing a marathon has made a difference. There is work to be done of course - there always is. I saw a quote this morning from author Matt Haig and it really summed it up:
Anxiety does not mean you are weak. Anxiety forges you. Living with anxiety, turning up and doing stuff with anxiety, takes a strength most will never know. Have anxiety for two decades and you have lived several lifetimes, and have won many invisible wars.
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